I do care.

I've always been an inescapable result of every person I've ever known and it's virtually impossible not to be. For instance; I'm cautious because of a boy who liked the red ribbon in my hair, and I laugh louder because of the girl who erased my smile for 2 years.

I believe that we are who we are because of what we've been through and the people we have met - but we still have expectation of who we're going to be in the end. The idea that we assume we'll have a great successful job, immensely passionate experiences and a husband who'll love the fact that we still prefer Trainspotting posters over wallpaper.

We are who we are because of how we've been treated. We love because we've been loved, and we're angry because of what's happened to us when we were 8 years old and getting laughed at by somebody twice our age. We do all of this because we care, and we're always going to care because we've been programmed to by our upbringing.

We are told that we'll grow up and be happy and safe. We are not told we might get divorced, go through bankruptcy or get cancer. We're promised we'll fall in love, but not that we might fall in love alone, or with the wrong people. We could never fall in love and we could spend our lives being fallen in love with, but eventually spending your life wandering why you can't be like what you were wordlessly promised through old 90's movies and game shows.

We're in a society that's all about telling everybody how we feel. We put our relationship statuses on facebook and rank our friends in our top 16 on Bebo. We put up song lyrics of how we feel and hope somebody will catch us in the street when you're having 'one of those days'.

As a result we fall out easier, and make friends easier. It's so easy to say you want to kill yourself on your friends facebook wall - and even easier for them to ignore you. We're in a culture who cares about who wins the X factor, but who laugh at elections saying that don't see the point in voting.

Maybe we're in the minority if we even care about the things we should care about. We can all tell the world about giving a fiver to Haiti when Justin Timberlake tells you to, but we continnue to turn the channel over when the starving kids in Africa come on.

We care, and we are faced with all these ads saying which insurance we should buy, which supermarket is really looking out for you and how we are be the best version of ourselves but we're never going to get what we're promised, because life has no guarantees and nobody telling you the right choice - so you make all the mistakes and eventually make the right choice.

So care, but not too much too much about yourself. Be humble, fair and don't get too caught up in this fanatical media frenzy of a culture which accepts you while you're worth something and puts you down when that's worth something too.

Oh, and avoid that guy who likes the red ribbon in your hair. :P

Speculative future.

It's hard to write from the heart when you don't understand it. It's like looking at a 360 degree picture; there's so many ways to look at it and each time you look at it it's different, and everybody else has an opinion about it.

Your hearts something it's hard to control, as it seems to control you.

In one of my modules this semester we were studying a book called 'The Handmaid's Tale' by Margaret Atwood. It fits into many genres (such as Science Fiction, Fictive Autobiography and others) but the most interesting to me was the genre entitled 'Speculative Fiction'. Now I'm not going to go on too much about the book, however it was essentially an extension of current societies attitudes into the futuristic 21st Century.

This is the same genre to which Orwell's 184 belongs to, which is why I thought it was interesting. This idea of examining toady's attitudes and legislation and contemplating if the world continues rapidly on this wavelength where we will become.

The novel is a great read, and not only made me question society, but my own life and it's undesirables. I see things in my life, or things that I do that I don't like and I know they're wrong - and now I'm erasing them. I'm erasing my bad attitudes and very bad habits.

I want to live as I want to live for the rest of my life. I want to be hardworking, and I want to be a proper Christain my my actions, attitudes and words not only in my heart.

I'm just trying to detox myself after recent change and somewhat life-shift. I've realised that I've been neglecting some of the best people around out of selfishness and laziness. I'm aspiring to be better, and aspiring to be pure.

Tomorrow, is a brand new day.
And me? I'm a brand new woman.