Hello loyal readers, loyal friends and those reading after stumbling across this somewhat randomly. How is life with you? My life is changed and continues to change but I still feel like I'm the same. Do you ever get the moments that you think once you do something, or once you accomplish something you'll feel better, you'll feel different or you'll feel more grown up? Then the moment comes and you think why on earth did I ever think this would change who I was in a major way.
I was talking to a co-worker in my part-time job which kinda strips away my soul these days. I was expressing my frustration about areas of my life which are giving me grief - things I gotta change. Her infuriating response was - "Well, at least you have a boyfriend and aren't single like me." This response got me to thinking of how people reacted to me when I was single. After being in a fairly long-term relationship and entering the world again as a single person I think I learnt a whole lot.
The first thing I learnt was the most important - that life goes on. It does not wipe your tears and it does not wait for you to be okay. This is true of anything, and it's very easy to overlook. We can wait until we feel better about our lives and the circumstances of our lives but they will continue regardless. And waiting for months to feel better wastes those months.
The second was that people doesn't always accept the fact you can be happy or happier as a single person. Lots of people I knew were suddenly looking to 'set me up' with their friends, because 'he's single too!' which really is not the point of setting people up - or is it? The assumption that as soon as you're single you need another relationship is absolutely crazy and don't get me started on the notion of a 'rebound'.
But this conversation with this newly single girl who has spent 10 years of her short life in relationships made me feel very much like an angry feminist shouting - 'YOU DON'T NEED A MAN.' You need to have the confidence in yourself, and not confidence in the fact that if you had a relationship you'd be the greatest and the happiest person in the world.
When I was single - (properly single not i-have-been-single-for-3weeks) I sometimes got made to feel left out, disrespected and worthless by others who were in relationships. I cannot express how absolutely ridiculous this is. TV and movies can be directed to tell us that being with somebody else is the most important thing - and maybe it's one of them. But people break-up, and relationships 'cause stress and hurt. Neither being single or being in a relationship is guaranteed to make you happy, or in the same way is guaranteed to make you sad. However, they are guaranteed to challenge you and allow you to learn if you let them.
Despite how anti-men I sound here, I promise I'm not.
I am pro-women though. :)
