Things I miss about University.

1. Constantly going on about Conor and Aoife fancying each other, even though they don't.
2. Having your own nutella, which you eat out of with a spoon.
3. Nutella and ice cream.
4. Waking up, and turning my radio on to cue Aoife to come up and lie in bed with me for hours, then Gerald, then Cat, then it's dinnertime and you're still there. :P
5. The sexy/unsexy spinning instructor.
6. 'I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I HEAR FIND YOURSELF!'
7. Having hangover Dominos with Cat, and having to get a large pizza for £6 and eating nothing but it all day and feeling great.
8. Nose pore strips and Aoife being too good for them.
9. Opening the door dramatically when you're ready to go out looking proud.
10. Making dinner, making lunch and sitting eating it in Gerald's room and leaving all your dirty dishes there for badness and him not catching on.
11. Gerald bringing down 8 cups at dishes time.
12. Having to drink everything out of a mug, unless somebody has JUST done the dishes.
13. Having to steal our bin back from the neighbours garden.
14. The ice lolly drawer.
15. Gerald's scowl, Aoife's chin face.
16. Rape dance and walk 'ITS NOT YOUR WALK!'
17. Kings, and ice shots.
18. 'Well...'
19. 'You're ALL disgusting... especially YOU'
20. Hearing fake stories about us doing ridiculous things; pouring water in the bin, pouring oil over washing.
21. Being Cinderelly.
22. Shaving, sandpapering, moisturising my legs with Aoife before we go out and feeling AMAZING.
23. Glee on Monday nights.
24. Cinema on Tuesdays, photobooth photos.
25. Kellys Wednesdays, and our corner in sync.
26. Walks down to the promenade down rape alley.
27. BOGOF Cocktails on Thursdays. :)
28. Open mike night and singing really loudly and dancing.
29. Superfry after Havana/Anchor.
30. Having a signature dance move that get made of for, and then you change your dance every so often. :P
31. The Boys BBQ.
32. Telling the Taxi driver your life story.
33. Dave/Mel.
34. Stealing fruit winders and bread sticks from strangers cupboards when you come home from a night out.
35. Buffy, season 1.
36. My Skin face moisturiser.
37. Barrys, Portrush.
38. HAPPY HOUSE!
39. Jagermeister shots, more disgusting than you remember.
40. DJ Earworm - Mix of 2009.
41. The foam party; being in the boys toilets in tracks, and not realising you will see men peeing, drying yourself under the hand dryer, making friends with men whilst they're drying their hands and shouting at them to wash their hands, hearing their life stories!
42. Photographs of days and nights, out and in.
43. Freckles and school discos.
44. Spur of the moment drastic haircuts.
45. Millar being snap happy, and annoying her tagging yourself the next day.
46. Being a sister and a mother to my uni friends.
47. Group shopping trips.
48. Vanilla Frappacinos.
49. Day trips to Derry.
50. Making Sid put his head in a giant crisp packet and watching/laughing as he can't get out of it.
51. The Water Margin.
52. UV parties.
53. Big furry living room blanket which is never washed, but we still love it.
54. Pub quizzes! And never contributing.
55. Getting garlands, and general souvenirs; ponchos, sunglasses, glow sticks, teeshirts.
56. Geek party!
57. 'Janine, you look like a lesbian...'
58. Dancing, all the time.
59. Dancing instead of showering, dancing after showering. :P
60. Playing falldown on Conor's iphone.
61. Strawberry and lime cider in Shenanigans.
62. Andy Brown Taxi Man, the really old one who is ALWAYS very late and very too dear but very cute.
63. Millar dance.
64. The cash machine being a million miles away from Havana.
65. The Happy Birthday banner put up for my birthday in November, which stayed up until we left the house in May. :P
66. Seeing Kat Red on a night out, and laughing your head off.
67. 'He was just standing behind her, with his mouth open'
68. Making up conversations and telling others as if it was the truth...'and then Aoife said that he was a big fat mess that needed his clothes to be specially made for him!'
69. Double lemon vodka shots on my birthday.
70. Shopping for a new phone for Gerald every month!
71. Having the best people surrounding you all of the time and making you laugh when you want to sit for hours watching old musicals and eating out of your fat box. :P

Loner?

No longer a one-man wolf pack.
Made a few changes, now I'm busy busy busy.

The dream.

I'm grumpy, and this makes me less grumpy when I think about it.

And I do.

Fitness.

Being home for a very long summer is kind of intimidating. Your friends will come back full of stories about their jobs, their holidays and the craic around their home town for a few months. We all want to accomplish something over the summer, and when you realise a month of it is nearly gone and you're still jobless, you start to worry about exactly what you're getting out of your summer.

Currently I'm applying everywhere for summer work, then weekend work. It's kinda reached that point where you wouldn't really care where you were working as long as you were working somewhere. However as panicking doesn't get you anywhere all you can do is keep looking, keep applying and don't lose heart. You also need to realise there's more to life and just because you're unemployed doesn't mean your summer is a sentence of facebook stalking from 9 -5. Keeping that in mind I've just gained a bit of motivation to just do things.

The first thing that caught my attention was being out for a long walk with my family and realising just how unfit I am. Actually ridiculous, and honestly if I had to run away from a bear chasing me in the woods I'm not sure I could make it a mile before getting a stitch and collapsing beside a tree. At the age I am I just want to be strong and that means as well to be strong physically. I enjoy spinning, yoga, aerobics and most uncompetitive forms of exercise and I think at this time in my life if I'm not fit and healthy it'll just go downhill and I'm not up for being one of those can't-get-off-the-sofa Mum's.

So I got up off my arse and researched around the place for a gym with classes that suit me, and I found one. I went to a trial class and realised this could be what I need to motivate myself. I joined just there today for 3 months unlimited classes, unlimited use of gym and other wee things in the place.

Oh, and I promise not to get a six-pack!
I'm excited about getting fit!

It's beginning to get to me.

I tried to tell you before I left,
But I was screaming under my breath,

"You are the only thing that makes sense,
Just ignore all this present tense."

Leave I'm alone, I'm lonely.

The word alone has so many negative connotations. When you're feeling like you're too little butter spread onto too much bread and you can't seem to pick yourself up you end up feeling just alone. Even when people are around, even when you're laughing with your friends and family sometimes. Being by yourself is usually a choice, if you wanted to be in a relationship or you wanted to be beside your friends/family you would be, you'd make the plans and you'd travel the miles.

I guess being alone, and being happy alone is one of the most important things you'll ever accomplish. Because things change and people leave and life doesn't stop for anybody. Even your best friends or or husband won;t be with you 24/7 and you need to be able to function well and have a sense of self-love and self-confidence were you don't need to lean on people to be genuinely happy in life. Of course we need our loved ones around us but I think that before you can really be serious with somebody you need to have a big life of your own. Your own interests, your own job, your own close set of friends, your own desires. You need to be a strong and steady individual before you really get into a serious relationship.

Being alone isn't always bad, but being alone all the time is never ever good. You need to experience life, and experience people around you and go in and out of relationships in order to realise what you want and want you don't want and you have to try to never settle for anything less than you deserve. Oh, and you're never ever alone.

Well, this has been real.

Remember that it was me that dragged you up to the sweaty floor.

We should look through some old photos, I adored you in every last one of those.

Keep your chin up.

Sober.

And I don't know, this could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real, until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober

Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

But I know it's never really over
And I don't know, I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing

Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know

It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months
Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and I'm still sober

Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

It was precious, to me.

1. Feeling free.
2. The sunshine on your legs.
3. Loyalty.
4. Conversations at the bus stop with people you don't know.
5. Sitting on blankets in Botanic on hot days.
6. Being barefoot.
7. Cracking my knees/ankles.
8. Moisturising my chin.
9. Brushing my hair hard.
10. Kingdom Hearts.
11. Dark Chronicle.
12. Using loads of hair conditioner.
13. End of Year videos.
14. Lyrics that exactly relate to your life.
15. Getting lost in a movie/book.

Keeping your mouth shut.

I'm opinionated. In heated conversation I get pretty well, heated and I hate being patronised or manipulated. I like fighting back for myself, I don't like to have somebody who is hurtful or spiteful to win or have the last word over me. However, I've realised that there's only so much fighting you can do and when you lose sight of why or what you're fighting for. You need to look at the consequences of you breaking your heart arguing, and you just have to let your head win and just leave it alone. Just close your mouth and take in all the horrible insults because the people who're worth fighting for don't talk in that way to you.

I mean for me keeping quiet was darn near impossible, but when you're in a vicous circle of putting your heart on the line and watching it each time get torn to pieces you get told by those who love you to choose happiness. You continue to hear peoples' paranoia making you look like you're Sid Vicious when it wasn't even about them, you're shown so-called evidence against you that you could prove in a sentence isn't true, you're accused and pointed at but you just have to stop fighting a battle with no end in sight and take all the punches (just for a change).

I guess it's hard not to feel like the victim, and it's hard not to want to stoop down to the level and just go in arms swinging and annilate the other (even if you could). You ultimately choose yourself and those who love you over those who're trying to prove you're the worst person in the world. So dry your heavy tears and stop beating yourself up, and concentrate on those you love, and those who prove they love you back.

Lyrics.

It's hardly what I'd be doing, if you gave me a choice.

The internet.

I love the Internet, I wanna say now. When I'm living at my home in Belfast I go on the Internet at least once a day. I'm on face book, daily booth, blogger spot, twitter, xanga, YouTube... the list in endless. I'm addicted and it always helps me relax and of course keep in contact with friends and find out what's going on in the world instantly.

Yet although I love the Internet, I'm aware the Internet is not really something you can put on your CV as a hobby or boast about how good you are at 'going on the Internet' (but I am SO great at going on the Internet. :P). Furthermore the Internet is a safety blanket and well honesty, lets be honest a way of finding out information about our face book friends. I find it more of a guilty pleasure than really something which is in any way constructive.

I once, a few years ago was on a social networking site and stumbled upon a guys profile. In his 'About Me' information section he said that most of his life involved being in front of a screen. Although the name escapes me of this guy, and I certainly do not remain in contact with him, that line about spending your life in front of a screen really got to me. It's exactly what I don't want my life to be. I have ambition and desires bigger and better and they don't fit into a computer screen and don't fit into the limitless Internet.

Life's about experience. You can't experience life in front of a screen. I just want to really live life as you're emant to and nto hide behind a screen and not to take the internet for more than it is. It's just a screen ultimately and you will never get real full emotion or real full experience purely because of it. It's a luxury, but it cannot be the basis of a life or you're really just ruining your life and wasting your time.

On your death bed, you're never going to say you wish you spent more time on the internet.

Cheesy grin, and sporatic dancing.

Hello blog spot, I'm feeling pretty happy this evening. I feel like I'm having a sort of detox so far this summer and honestly I just feel like I've no real 'bad' stuff in my life. Nothing that's bringing me down or causing me any pain. It's lovely. I spend everyday with people who make me laugh and just really deepening my relationships with honesty and loyalty.

And I keep dancing through my days, it's so great.

Y'know, I really appreciate that.

1. That instant (usually physical) attraction to somebody.
2. Wearing boys hoodies.
3. Doing something stupid when you're alone and laughing out loud at yourself.
4. Uncontrollable laughter at inconvenient times.
5. Telling people to dance for you.
6. Meeting somebody new and knowing straight away you'll be great friends.
7. Long phone calls.
8. Heart to hearts with those you never imagined.
9. Shorts on boys.
10. The word 'great'
11. Having that one time you ALWAYS get raked about.
12. The word 'disgusting'
13. Half wet hair.
14. Curly dark hair on guys.
15. Rapey Joe.
16. That voice we all do for each other, and how when somebody says it about you you say 'I did NOT say it like that!' :P
17. Teasing before kissing somebody.
18. The atmosphere at huge concerts, and the intimate atmosphere at small gigs.
19. Dungarees.
20. Pick 'n' mixes at Woodsides.
21. Having my head scratched.
22. Coming out of a changing room and waiting for a nod or shake of the head to determine whether you buy it or not.
23. Sharing a large drink and the cinema, and the term 'halfers'
24. When my Mum/Dad/Nanny sings, especially to me.

Reminders of the past.

It's strange that no matter how distant the past is, or how much you've moved on and changed the past can still creep up behind you. You could see an old bully from school on the bus home, or find a picture of you and an old boyfriend at the bottom of your wardrobe. The funny thing about reminders of the past is that you always seem to make a comparison between who you were back then, and who they were back then and how much things have changed. I find that I get reminded of the past at least once a day with locations and memories as I'm around the place I grew up in and see the people you moulded me into who I've become today.

The reason I guess I want to write about this is because the past matters. It's not something to dwell on obviously (yet it's very tempting to do so sometimes), but it had to be there or else you wouldn't be where you are now. You are a consequence of what happened in your past and you'd be a fool to forget it because it's a list of all your lessons. You know what mistakes not to make again, and what things you should always do.

Your past makes up general conversation and is the reason why you have the opinions you do. We all have for an experience which made us toughen up and change our attitude. I like realising why I am, and who made me like that. I like pinpointing why I do certain things and the past always gives me motivation to do and be better. It motivates as much as my desire for future treasures.

I guess it's easy to be afraid and ashamed of your past but that's not it's purpose. Your past is colourful and not all the colours are beautiful but when you look back you can't change it so you need to embrace it, and move on from it.

Sometimes when you can't move on all you need is soemthing to happen which reminds you how much you don't miss the past at all and your present is so amazing you need to embrace it and stop wasting your time being hurt by something that is already over.

...so what do we deserve?

I want,

I want somebody to love me this much.

What a lovely day.

Today is such a great day, it's been such a great week. Today I was going to laze about and tidy up my room and generally sort myself out, but it's turned out to be one of those constructive days which put you on your way to something great. I got up and danced around in my over sized nightie for a few hours on face book and finishing off my CV.

So I printed out a good few and headed out with my Mum job-hunting and general shopping and talking time. Ended up heading to my old work and talking away to my old work-mate as if I'd never really left. Getting all the gossip and news over the past few months and surprisingly realising how much I'd missed the place. It was so great to re-connect with a place of your past and starting to realise how great it was for what it was. I was glad to realise that I've a pretty great reputation there and they're keen on employing me again for another mad summer. :P

Also I went around local shops and dropped in a few CV's for good measure and felt pretty good about it. I also spent the day thinking how great this summer is going to be and talking to my Mum about life, achieving and making the most out of things and I ended up just feeling really oddly inspired by the weather and the positivity that seemed to be floating around the air.

I've a fun-filled rest of the week too, and I'm so excited and happy about where things are at the minute!

Self-description.

In a world full of social networking, and online dating sites we're encouraged to sum ourselves into a little short paragraph explain what we are and why we are. This is intimidating and of course completely unreflective of exactly who we are; very little people can be summed up in words. Describing yourself can be liberating or incriminating and if done incorrectly can offend and confuse those wanting to know anything about you.

Furthermore I've read personal descriptions of horrible people, making them sound admirable. Therefore we can't really go on anybody elses' view of themselves; because what they've done says more about them than their fabricated self-description. I guess all we can do is give a snipet of facts about ourselves and leave the rest of the description to made up from the viewer. We're different to each person. Funny to some and offensive to others, you cannot please everybody or estimate how people will feel about you.

So I'm Janine, and there's nothing you could know about me because of this sentence.

I know it sounds lame; but it's so true.

1. Having somebody blow all over your face when it's too warm.
2. Summer BBQ's.
3. Truthfulness.
4. Shoulder dancing.
5. Encouraging people to eat things after they've dropped it on the floor.
6. "Are you feeling sexy?!" "'Cause you're looking sexy!"
7. Sexy Nigel.
8. "How sexy do we look in this photo?!" "10!"
9. All your friends piling into your room anytime you happen to be in a towel.
10. Sunday night chineses with no vegetables.
11. "Where is my hairbrush?" "...UP YOUR BUM!"
12. Comparing hairy legs.
13. More magazine, and picking who you'd go with on the Big Question pages.
14. Send a line of a song to your friend and them completing the lyric.
15. Collecting bouncy balls and finding them everywhere when you're clearing up.
16. Buying random hair dye which you will never use.
17. Red sugar dummies.
18. Having a 'fat box' and pulling it out when you're upset.
19. Playing guitar and not doing the strumming properly.
20. Not being able to play the chord F.
21. Old lover letters.
22. Old diaries.
23. Sweets from other peoples' holidays.
24. Receiving "I love you/I miss you" text messages.