Contrast, and compare.

In life sometimes it's hard to keep balance and hard to keep your confidence up. Recently I've met a lot of wonderful, smart, happy people and to be honest it's hard not to measure yourself alongside them and decide whose 'better'. And when you're aware of your own flaws and not so aware of others flaws it's easy to put yourself down, and be harder on yourself than you would anybody else.

The sad thing about this is that there's ALWAYS going to be somebody better, somebody more adventurous, prettier, smarter, funnier and if that's they way THEY are then how could you really compete? And if we're changing and developing by the second then does whose better change from time to time, and does the majority vote win, or is it individual specific?

I believe in double standards, and how it's fine for me to do certain things but when I see others doing the same examining who I am, I absolutely can't stand it. That's when you see your flaws; jealousy, hypocrisy. It's not pretty or funny or admirable, it is downright ugly and shameful. We're afraid to expose ourselves but in order to live a life outside our cosy bedrooms we have to bare all and just be ourselves in a world who'll never readily accept that as anything more than a first draft. But that's life, isn't it? If we don't realise our own flaws then we can never have honest relationships.

What I've learnt tonight, is to...

1. Love yourself.
2. Appreciate who you are, and why you are.
3. Better yourself by your own standards.
4. Don't change in accordance to what others what you to be.

Remember there's a whole hoarde of people who love you, for exactly who you are.
You're not better than anybody else, but you are different. Comparing yourself to other will not leave you feeling satisfied but will make you question yourself.

At least that's how it left me feeling, and pretty damn creepy too.

And when I'm done, I feel like talking.

1. Tool Academy, and identifying ourselves with a tool.
2. Playing heavy Rain with Gerger, and him holding down the buttons for me.
3. 'That is aburd, I have NEVER used the F word.'
4. Having '5 minute' phonecalls which last well into the night, in the wee hours of the morning.
5. 28 Millstone Park, the constant bant, and our open door policy.
6. Making Lasagne and it sufficing for 4 meals.
7. Really lovely customers who come back and personally thank you for the coffee you made them.
8. The 'tunnel of love' we had on Valentines' Saturday.
9. Giving customers extra when you like them.
10. Greensleeves.
11. Conor being 'Soup Boy'
12. 'Need You Now' song and laughing at all it's awards, singing it dramically.
13. Chin bite. <3
14. Being described as the sun.
15. Michael; 'Could really go for an O'Brians'
16. Mini chocolate brownies for ASDA, and needing two boxes.
17. Lisa calling me Veda.
    

But now I'm thinking.. what the hell. :)

Live a little, live a lot.

A few coherent sentences.

Hiya Internet, things have been crazy... just for a change, eh? I've been busy, really busy. Final year, final semester and I've a lot to be working on never mind all that I should be reading. Despite this I don't feel snowed under or stressed (as of yet), and I feel just really genuinely happy. This I guess explains why instead of writing in coherent sentences I just put up list upon list on things that really make me happy because well, that's what life's all about isn't it?

I feel really content because how I felt and what was kinda grogging on me changed and turned into exactly what I wanted it to turn into and I'm really grateful and thankful for that. Worth the wait, and I'm definitely trying my best to be smart and not ruin it for myself. I love that feeling when you want something, you think about you write about it and then it sorts itself out so it fits into your life and you can have it in exactly the way you wanted it. Perfect.

Hope you're all well, and you aren't bored of my lists.
I love lists. <3

I can't believe it, it's so amazing.

1. Everybody in the group holding hands and swaying when a slow song comes on.


2. Trips to the Spar wearing fluffy slippers.


3. 'If you ever loved somebody put your hands up' and throwing your hand up dramatically.


4. Brian's Mommy speech therapy.


5. Embarrasing bodies.


6. Snes games, and being the most skill and letting him get all the toad houses.


7. Dancing manically for hours in the kitchen with Lisa, Gerald and Marty.


8. Driving up and down weekly with Michael.


9. Gerald 'Janine, before we leave lets try and eat as much food as we can' before elaving the superbowl party.


10. Dark red lipstick.


11. Nini.


12. Flower clips on the side of your hair.


13. Homemade cafe in Coleraine.


14. Thick freshly made soup.


15. Adding different sauces to a micro noodle.


16. Brian's obsession with Mario merchandise.


17. Using the term 'babes' ironically for others.

You're my picture on the wall.

1. Butterflies the whole night through.
2. Bullet Bill as a phone charm.
3. Saying 'Dry yer bum mate' when somebody on TV is upset, and saying it to each other basically all the time.
4. Garnier exfoliating face brush.
5. Cleanse, tone, moisturise.
6. R Kelly's song, and laughing hysterically at it.
7. 'Bagsy not' over doing EVERYTHING.
8. The phrase 'Story of my life'
9. The craic in work, and being fake over-patronising to co-workers who can do things perfectly.
10. Walking about 'clearing the floor' in work and catching a workmates eye and both of you dancing.
11. Alternate lyrics to Bruno Mars - Grenade.
12. 'Um, I don't think these shoes are gonna fit... your feet are kinda baig.'
13. All four of us waving excitedly at lorries driving past and trying to get them to hoot their horn.
14. Bringing up big tins of biscuits/sweets and them being eaten immediately.
15. Dancing waiting for a 16inch pizza for 2 people in 4 Star Pizza.
16. Belle and Sebastian - 'Funny Little Frog'
17. Flat White training, and getting a teeshirt.
18. Getting teased about the manager of Happy Feet having a crush on me, and our conversations every Saturday morning.
19. Teasing Mark about Monday night @ Flux.
20. Going to the pub quiz and ending up dancing upstairs.