The Bucket List.

A bucket list is a list of things which you would like to do before you die, as dying is sometimes described as 'Kicking the Bucket.' Here are mine, they are in no order.

10. Go on a Mission Trip for at least 6 months.

As a Christian I believe that going on missions to spread God's love to those who have never heard of the Gospel is extremely important and rewarding. I also believe that it would help me grow in my own faith and be extremely grateful for the life I have here.

9. Live outside of Northern Ireland.

I'm unsure the circumstances of which I would like to live outside of Northern Ireland, or how long for. Maybe I will move for career opportunities, a change of scenery or even to fulfill a desire I don't have currently. However I would hate to die knowing that I've lived in the exact same place my whole life - I need to explore and have my own freedom. I also believe that living not at your birth home will broaden your cultural horizons.

8. Give a motivation speech.

I've always been a fan of advice, and I'd really love to give that to some people who want to here it. I'd love to tell of my experiences to the younger generation in order to give them non-patronising advice but the key to true happiness and fulfillment.

7. Get Married and have children.

A common want that most people(especially women) aspire to be and to have. To me, a family situation is the ideal and I believe that this is the circumstances in which I'd be happiest. With love comes happiness, and without love there would certainly be no life.

6. Get on a random plane and go wherever it takes you.

I'm a huge fan of impromptu moments, and although the idea scares me, and of course it could go completely wrong but the idea of going somewhere completely unknown (unless you ended in Cornwall :P) is exciting and I would still want to have the aspect of mystery in my life as well as the comfortable.

5. Write my own novel.

When I say this, it comes with certain criteria. Have you ever heard a band saying they are 'in it for the music'? Well that's would I would be in the writing world for - 'for the writing'. I would just want to write something that would matter to somebody. If I ever write a novel that some girl or guy picks up reads and it expands their minds into thinking differently, or moves them to act differently - I've completed my goal. Success doesn't matter to me and I don't aspire to be a best-seller.

In fact, I can think nothing worse than writing a trashy romance novel about some business woman falling in love with a builder. I would barely even call that a novel, never mind literature.

4. Become fluent in a language.

Preferably French, or Japanese. I'd love to go to a country and speak to the residents comfortably. Plus I'd feel a lot more cultured. :P

3. Be able to play the guitar properly, and write a good song.

Self-expression is very important and very flexible but I've always been interested in musical and I find I've little talent or commitment to be able to be successful as a musician and I hope that one day I will be. :)

2. Have my own fridge, which dispenses ice.

It's my mark that I've made it.

1. Own my own house, and to be happy with it.

For my children to grow up, and be with other children and have the security and comfort of a lovely house.

Super Mario.

I miss playing Super Mario with boys and wearing Gladiator sandals as I bomb the castles.

Some inspiration.

I was walking in an empty kitchen with too many thoughts fighting for first place when I thought about a few words which help me prioritise them. I was going to write them down but instead I thought I'd write down what inspired me, rather than what I was inspired to write;


Lyrics to "Everybody is free to wear sunscreen" by Baz Luhrman

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97,

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now.


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, nevermind, you won't understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.


Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.


The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.


Do one thing every day that scares you.


Sing.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Floss.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.


Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).


Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.


Stretch.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.


Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.


Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.


Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40;
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.


Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself,
either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.


Enjoy your body: use it every way you can! Don't be afraid of it or what other
people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.


Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.


Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).


Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.


Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.


Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.


Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.


Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Travel!


Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.


Respect your elders.


Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.


Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.


Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.


But trust me, I'm the sunscreen.

Dying to be thin.

We've all had times where we have hated what we've looked like. I know I've looked at myself in the mirror and I can tell you a detail I don't like about every body part. Are my standards too high? Or am I too weak to strive towards my own level of beauty.

Recently on a day where I felt awful about my own body and weight, I stumbled upon a few pictures, and a few sites which put my own thoughts into overdrive. These girls have lives' which are completely dominated by eating one apple, cut into 6 pieces (2 pieces for breakfast, lunch and dinner to 'trick' the body into thinking it has 3 meals ), they aspire to be thin and nothing else.

On this particular website there is a section speaking about '40 Reasons not to Eat'. The wording is important. They do not want to lose weight, or cut down on fatty foods - they want to stop eating altogether which is completely ridiculous and horrifically demanding on willpower of the individual.

Here's a few of these 'reasons'

• You will be FAT if you eat today. Just put it off one more day.


• Guys will want to get to know you, not laugh at you and walk away.


• Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.


• When you start to get dizzy and weak, you're almost there.

They KNOW it's wrong, and they KNOW their bodies will rebel, become weak and they won't be able to function. However, their goal is a warped sense of beauty, a desire to be labelled as beautiful by men, and by others.

In an attempt to see if thin is what is valued by the opposite sex, I asked two males. Both of which said they would prefer a thin person rather than fat person. I was intrigued and asked them to define what they seen as thin/fat and I was linked to a few pictures of women found on google.

These women were basically women which clinically would be described as overweight or underweight - which was surprising. However even when I linked these guys to pictures on these websites picturing girls with thighs the same width and their calves they said that they were beautiful. This threw everything back up into the air.

I linked them to these sites where there was a pep talk including lines like;

''You know that if you go and eat right now, you will end up standing over the
toilet, puking it all up until you see blood and water and your stomach is
aching.''

They quickly said that this lifestyle was obsessive and unrealistic, but they still didn't deny that the thin bodies were beautiful, but I did start to get more comments like ''A good body doesn't have to be a thin body'', ''Being comfortable with your body is the most important thing'' and even ''Actually i find girls with a few extra pounds cute''

It seems that the result of not eating(or eating one apple a day) is appealing and attractive to men, but the process of starving, obsessing, and throwing up until blood and water are forced out of thier bodies brings these males back to rational thought - then they start to claim that extra pounds are cute.

Of course you will find men who like thin girls, and guys who like curvy girls but I believe there's a method in the madness which seems to say that men like somebody who looks healthy. If you looked at this psychologically - it has been suggested that men like curvy women because subconsciously they think that thier bodies would be an appropriate shape to bear children with. That and historically the sex symbol that is Marilyn Monroe had very wide hips that may translate to size 16 in UK dress sizes.

However some people think that those pictures are the definition are beautiful, but I can assure you than these people are not naturally this size. What do you think is beautiful, and have you ever thought about why you think that, or what has influenced you to think that? Because it might be worth it.

New friends, old friends, and forever friends.

It's no secret that I've been treated like a doormat before when it comes to friendships. I believe that I'm loyal in friendships and when somebody is obviously is moving on and pushing me away, instead of letting them go and moving on - I hang on for dear life because I value the friendship so much.

However that didn't change anything. I got hurt and the other party moved on, despite my refusal to do so myself.

It's hard to realise what friendships will last and which will fade when it's not easy to keep in contact. We can only give each other time and sometimes when we move on, we do leave people behind - and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I have friends I've had since I was no age. Friends who if I seen in town I'd go and have lunch with and there would be no awkwardness at all that we hadn't spoken in a period of time. I also have ex-friend who if I seen due to the kind of person they are I've decided I don't want in my life as they just caused destruction and pain when they were in my life.

I'm at a period in my life now where I'm surrounded by friends. In September I'll be living with 4 of them with all the others living very close by and I'll be going to parties with these people, doing shopping, watching movies and bitching about bills and running out of money.

Whilst I'll be having a great time, I can tell you now that some of these people I won't see in 5 years. Maybe I'll catch them in the street one day and have lunch, or maybe we'll walk past each other (hopefully not!). To me it's not important who will last, and I won't separate myself from those who in my mind I won't have lasting friendship with.

I believe in living for the moment. I believe in having as much fun as I can in the time I'm in the minute as tomorrow or next year I won't have these people beside me, and I'll have different ones to share my joys with.

Amongst these thoughts though, I know in my heart that some of these people will be in my life for a very long time because I believe in thier loyalty and I've seen it when our friendship isn't easy to continnue with. I see thier efforts, I see how much they care for me and love me. The future plans are a wish for us both.

I look forward to having lasting friendship, but I look forward to having a great time with all those around me, and growing with these people as they shape me to who I will be in future.

I love my friends. :)

Say you'll share with me - One love, One lifetime.

Some little things I miss about university.

• Being the only girl in the room.
• Playing SNES, and being the best at Mario.
• Gerald wanting to be the girl monkey in DK.
• Catherine 15, always persuading us to 'have a wee drink'
• David 'I can see your FAT HAND!' and doing impressions of it endlessly afterwards.
• Cloghda coming in for a fire drill and shouting 'YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY GO OUTSIDE.
• Rowan's impression of this.
• Mine and Gerald's rooms always being a mess & David and Rowan ending up tidying them.
• The horses - especially the baby one.
• Talking to the horses each time we drove in or out.
• Shouting 'Love yoouuuuuuuuuu' when leaving to go anywhere.
• Talking about poos, in extreme detail.
• Gerald playing/singing 'Spellbound' ALL THE TIME.
• Alanis Morrisette lyrics.
• Rowan singing 'My humps'
• Getting ready to go out and taking and hour and a half less time than Gerald.
• Getting Photobooth photos taken.
• A large Sprite Zero and large Hot Nuts at the cinema.
• Always being late for the cinema, every Tuesday.
• Kiwis.
• Strawberries with David.
• Giving David my key when we go out.
• Going out!
• Drinking in 15 with everybody in the world before we go out.
• That pizza I got outside Tracks!
• Micro noodles when you're tired.
• Gerald having a million pepper sauces.
• FROZEN SUKIES!
• ICE LOLLIES!
• Dominos pizza BOGOF!
• Eating chicken with rice and sauce every night.
• Gerald patting the chicken.
• Making fun of the way David says 'phone', 'alone' and 'wee in'
• Making fun of how Gerald says 'turn' 'EACHOA!'
• Making fun of my youtube videos!
• Being stared at whenever we come into/go out of the court.
• Putting all our coppers in a box.
• Planning to bake buns.
• Fries for all.
• KFC!!
• People telling me they love my fashion style, all the time.
• Flat parties.
• Disgusting Lemon Vodka Shots.
• Doing the two fingers behind each others backs.
• Picking up on each others phrases. ''What you lookin' ''
• Calling people mooses.
• Making fat jokes.
• Not going to class, ever.
• M&S dinner for two.
• Glasses of wine.
• Watching movies with the 4 of us on the sofa.
• MARIO PARTY!
• WARIO INC!!!!
• Dinner for 14 at the Water Margin.
• The Giants Causeway.
• Two people in a single bed.
• Having naps during the day.
• Gerald's deep voice when he's hungover.
• Mum hiding biscuits in my bags.
• Texting whilst in the same room.
• Questions that start with 'What would you do if...?' ending in stupid scenarios like 'you walked in and shadow had eaten his own leg?'
• Shadow being in my room, and waking me up during the night by biting his cage.
• 'Janine, I wish Zombies/Vampires/Pokemon were real.'
• Everything being thrown around my room, causing many glasses to be broken.
• Living with Gerald.
• Buying 10 Ribena Spark at a time from Poundstretchers.
• Subways.
• Cloud ice cream.
• Ben and Jerrys from the tub watching Anime.

Can't wait until next year!

Plus one minus one.

Social etiquette is strange.

Have you ever been in a group of people, whether your best friends, friends or even just associates where the group dynamic is comfortable and functional, only for it to change because of an additional person added, or a change in a certain person?

I admit it's a long question but one which I think you may be able to relate to. You see recently, over the past few months a circle which I was involved with changed in dynamic due to a particular person.

This person I did not have any problem with at all, and reacted positively to this change in the group. However, I found that their reaction to me was somehow different. They were hesitant to talk to me individually, and when I spoke in conversation I was unacknowledged to a point where it was uncomfortable to talk to those people when this particular person was around.

I sat away from the group and started to socialise with those which I had maybe spoke to less due to my social 'clique' and I was able to realise how much I'd relied on a few people for conversation. It was refreshing.

On further contemplation I realised that I needed to sort an issue out here. Was I being paranoid? Did the person generally not like me? Was I the only one noticing?

Today I came in and I realised after speaking with my group for about 20 minutes that this person was nowhere about. I looked around and found her with her boyfriend over the other side of the room and she hadn't moved the whole time.

I felt oddly liberated. My friends were there for me throughout all the time where I sacrificed them due to one person who managed to make me feel intimated.

This reminds me of a quote that says

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission...Never give it."

I know it's hard sometimes to have confidence when we're feeling our weakest but that's when our confidence makes a real difference. We should never sacrifice anything that makes us happy over something so trivial and unimportant.

And if that girl does someday come back into our group - it will not faze me. I look forward to facing it and trying to make a new friend.

Maturity.

We change throughout our life inevitably, not always by choice.

Time changes us, people change us, books change us, experiences change us, where we live changes us. Everything you can ever think of changes us into a more mature version of ourselves.

Whilst in the present we are under the idea that we will always remain who we are, we won't and there's no way to solidify our desire to do so.

I find that I'm unaware of how much I've changed, or matured until I meet somebody from my past. I find I always expect them to be the same as I remember them and I can only assume they think the same of me.

Recently when I met somebody from my past it became clear to me how much I'd grown up - and how much they hadn't. It then became clear that sometimes we need to make certain moves to help us grow up. Whether it's to get a job, get a boyfriend, get a new bunch of friends or to move out of your old life and into your new one.

Sometimes things change you, which is scary. However, I'm thinking that the prospect of staying immature and ignorant scares me much more. I hope to grow and mature into who I've wanted to be instead of staying in exactly the same point not getting anywhere fast.

I say that change shouldn't scare us as much as it tends to do. Change is good. Comfort and the ordinary disallow us to get anywhere.

I've had the best year of my life, and that's been because I've made some hard decisions and have been scared to death that it wasn't the right one. I'm thankful that I made a decision which allowed me to find great friends and a great life. I'm positive that if I wasn't bold and stayed where I was - I would be exactly the same person as I always was.

I'm looking forward to new experiences, and a new development inside myself.

Oh, and I'm Janine. :)