Unsent.

1. If the circumstances were different, we could have been different. But you just could never help yourself from picking me apart. I would have never gave up on you, but that would mean that I would have to give up on myself - I had to pick myself. I hope one day you'll understand.
2. One minute I wanna spill my heart out for you, other days I want to to chase me for what's inside.
3. Wish I could tell you everything, but every time I try to - you're not interested. Which is fair, but makes me doubt you bigtime.
4. It's strange how we pop into each others lives for a mere few days and then disappear when we realise how ridiculous the idea of us being friends is.
5. I don't like you in that way, and honestly - I'm not sure I even like you as a person. I mean, you're fine but you kinda bring me down.
6. You're really great.
7. You were an infatuation, you weren't love. :)
8. If anyone asks, I'll tell them we both grew apart.

But being away from you is hard.

Goodbyes breed hellos.

Today I spent the day with my favourite boy; We watched Jeremy Kyle, and talked about life and love. And it got me thinking that 3 years ago I didn't have this boy in my life, in any way whatsoever. I didn't miss him because I hadn't met him but I was aching for a friendship like this. At this point in my life I was a little lost and although I was comfortable I really wasn't happy. I hopped up to university and not to be too 'Avenue Q' about it (seen it last night - awesome!) but I really felt like this change was one of those things that really was for the best. Even though it was SO hard at the start.

And it got me to thinking about all the great experiences and friendships I've had which started off really terribly. Don't worry I'm not about to spout the 'life is hard' speech but I really believe that what brings us happiness is usually disguised and not immediately obvious. I've never wanted something rational and although my life is not guarantying me anything - I believe that in order to get what I want I'm going to have to wade myself through long work hours and I'm going to encounter some truly horrible people. This really scares me, and I'm not sure where it'll take me in the long run. But being on the brink of something new, be it work or life in general excites me. The entire world being your oyster is powerful. You're in your prime, you're young and ambitious - you gotta live.

Inevitably with all this moving on and new plans you gotta let go of the stuff with is getting you down. Anything that makes you feel worthless, is not worth keeping. But it can be hard - because it can be comfort too ironically. There's a line in a Pink song called 'Mean' which says 'we've got so used to this abuse, it's kinda feels like home'. Sometimes you gotta leave home, and go and stay in your friends bed even though it's awkward and hard - but it pushes you forward and it pushes you away from what you know you shouldn't do.

So life is different, and life is good. And as of yet I don't have anything set in stone, and I'm still serving my coffees and reading my books. But I'll tell you one thing - I'm determined to stay this happy, and life is not going to bring me down as long as I have that boy listening to my secrets and drinking milkshakes with me beside fountains.

Really hope you're all happy.

Roadtrip.

So free.

<3
So much in love with my life.

Kinda really love this.

(But the movie is TERRIBLE)

I wanna wake up where you are.

1. Hearing you picking up my phrases.


2. Meeting for an hour, just for a chat after work.


3. Every single one of the faces you do, and especially when you do 'the face'


4. Learning to knit with my mother, and the goals I set out for myself.


5. The fact you care, even when I'm being ridiculous.


6. When you get really embarrassed.


7. Listening to Bright Eyes, and getting happier.


8. Feeling appreciated - for everything.


9. Making lists of what we'll watch, where we'll go, what we'll make.

Life, continued.

Hey blogspot! So I'm home and life has changed, I have a degree and my friends do not constantly surround me. To be honest when I first landed home I ran away from the reality of life but it came upon me and lay like a ton of bricks amongst my heart. And it was hard - no doubt it was hard, to be mostly alone and instead of facing it head-on I decided to mope about and feel sorry for myself that life had changed and I was back where I started.

The next week I changed my attitude. Life changes with a change of attitude. I actively sought out my friends, and stopped being so selfish and started helping out others - this really brought me happiness. I got into contact with some friends I hadn't seen in a while and started what I like to call 'operation life sort'. I applied to a few jobs and ended up landing one which will be good until I get some volunteering and experience under my belt.

Kinda just wanna run away and join the circus though...