Over the last few days I have been having some very emotional discussions with people who I love and admire in equal measure. These people have shown incredible strength and grace, when they were faced with betrayal. In short they were let down by somebody who they allowed themselves to be vulnerable with.
Vulnerability is a hard thing to let yourself be. This only increases with age, as you meet more people and they break your trust. Once you let yourself be vulnerable, you knowingly give this person the chance to emotionally destroy you. You question every kind thing you did for them, every sacrifice you made and wonder why you allowed yourself to be betrayed.
You watch this person's life continue seemingly happily with no knowledge of what they have done to you. Sadly, outside of fiction we rarely get that apology we need and we have to somehow come to terms with the fact that this person won't realise the extent of their actions.
...and that's always going to be the risk. If you fall in love with somebody you fall as low as you were elated in the heights of your infatuation and joy. Some people are more loyal than their counterpart. One person's determination to conquer any obstacles does not make up for the others determination for personal success and convenience.
When that person makes that choice to ignore you, cheat on you, cut you from their life, blame you, insult you, leave you, physically abuse you, intimidate you or terrify you you don't get a say in their actions. You just have to deal with it, and try and let it not destroy you.
From experience all I can say it some days it will. As time goes on those days will be less frequent but they will still come and they will still be as hard to deal with. you'll wonder if it will ever stop hurting and honestly I am not there yet where I can confirm it. I really hope that it is.
Some days you're bitter, some days you're better.
