Life has been moving pretty fast, and I'm not sure where it's all going. I think back to when I was in my late teens and how I managed my emotions.
Despite considering myself a pretty creative person I never really stayed loyal to any creative pursuits. When I was say 17, I did 'em all. Writing? Check. Songwriting? Check? Playing guitar/singing? Check. I was a compulsive reader and got lost pretty easily in the escapism of coming of age novels and anything involving somebody elses life. I even filmed and edited you tube videos which were mostly snip its of my life edited to some songs I really related to.
At 26 I am wondering what happened to any of those, why none of them stuck. Now I don't read - my attention span is shot and I have tried since age graduation to get 'back into' reading but I can't and it does give me the release it once did. When it comes to all the other stuff - I actually feel embarrassed with the idea that I did any of them, and the thought of doing them now fills me with anxiety and dread.
Is this what happens when real life takes over? When you work 40 hours a week do you just want to mindlessly play Spelunky 2 hours a day or watch TV shows until you fall asleep and do it all over again? I have been preoccupied with not embarrassing myself because I am scared what certain people think of me and that makes me hate myself a little bit.
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