Emotional update.

I was wading through a week of blurred emotions and strange change I wasn't sure if I approved of, and I coped with it by having a good few heart to hearts with somebody close to my own. Trying to organise my emotions, wants and needs; we swapped laughable stories and stories which we'd never even thought about saying out loud.

You see you can mask your emotions, or you can choose not to acknowledge them at all. You can belittle them, or you can minimise them completely. Sometimes if you keep sweeping them under the carpet you forget they could be brought out and examined, or shared and comforted. Sometimes they swell under the surface and slowly everybody starts to see them when you're trying your best to keep them under wraps. But you gotta live.

You gotta find out what makes you feel alive and you have to grasp it and feel it as much as you possibly can. Fill yourself up to the brim with excitement and love for your own life. Because those moments and those people define your life and give it the whole reason why you're working to achieve your happiness. Otherwise why bother?

I guess you just need to have hours long heart to hearts which somebody who knows exactly what you mean on your bed until you both fall asleep for it to come clear that you're not alone.
...and that you've done the right thing. ...and that you won't feel like this forever.

Almost everything I wish I'd said last time I seen you.

I said sit down with me before you go

That's the wrong thing I know

But I don't know when I will see you again and it gets so lonely...

See you'd be foolish if you stayed here now

Maybe if you leave we could work it out

Cos i know the city only breaks you down and it gets you lonely

See its gonna get lonely so you miss the feeling when you step outside

Yeah your mind comes all untied and then you open up your eyes and you don't feel lonely

You see it feels bad now, but it's going to get better,

You see it feels bad now, but it's going to get better,

You see it feels bad now but it's going to get better... someday.

It's really something.

1. Clifford in Top Taxis.
2. Drives home on Fridays singing at the top of our lungs.
3. My carebear hoody.
4. Doing essays at midnight in library surrounded by your classmates and taking a walk around the library to chat with them and feeling like such a student.
5. Tesco.com
6. Rapping to Stan in the chippy with Gerald.
7. Calling our house 'sexy eight'
8. Having 'facebook' breaks during essays.
9. Raking Aoife about eating stir-frys all the time.
10. Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand, and shouting each others names out.
11. My 'Part-A' playlist.
12. Giant free lemonade frescados.
13. When there's loads of craic in work.
14. Constantly giving off about X factor yet continuing to watch it.
15. TOPS OFF.
16. Creepy McKernan, Moodkiller Henry.
17. Finding somebody just as drunk as you in the toilet and immediately becoming best friends.
18. Being in such a good mood that walking home in the rain inspires you.
19. Taking absolsutely ages in supermarkets looking at all the food.
20. Nutella and ice cream.

You see it feels bad now, but it's going to get better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiQo6DoXknY&feature=related

Absorb it.

I'm having one of those weeks, but today it's just absolutely heart-breaking. I feel like I'm throbbing in the middle of a crowded room and playing a tune in the middle of an library. I'm finding it so difficult to blend into the shadows and finding it difficult not to have a mental breakdown amidst students clutching their lattes and printed pages. I wish this was something I could choose NOT to talk about, something I could disguise and delete and not face up to. Something I could absorb alone with no judgement, raised eyebrows or comments from those I involved when I thought it was going to work out.

Instead I wish I could concentrate on what I have to do, on what I have to do well.

Absorb it, absorb it, absorb it.

Lyrics.

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

I should have known, I should have known

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now.

Moments.

1. Having big dinners, and 12 people end up turning up for them. (It's not so funny when you're cooking though!)
2. The moment your online shopping comes.
3. Car trips to Gareths, and everybody getting a student special.
4. Laughing anytime somebody mentions the word 'come' or 'came'
5. Light Lunches from Dominos with Cat.
6. Singing really loudly on car trips home with Michael.
7. Playing 9 player Monopoly in my onesie.
8. Theme nights out and getting basically full outfits from Lisa.
9. Sid's green bandana.
10. Getting food delivered on Tuesdays after a very long day in uni.
11. Shouting 'Woooooh' when somebody comes out dressed ready to go out.
12. Shopping on ebay and constantly getting packages.
    

Hiya, Autumn.

This is the time of the year for the same song over and over and starting your morning with a lemsip. Life is good, it's cold and you've got an illness that won't shake but it's going good. Vanilla steamers in work with chocolate sprinkles and marshmallows makes getting up at 6am to work a lot easier. Re-watching old series in bed when you know you have assignments due and watching old movies with your family under blankets sums up night-times. You hoke out all your winter clothes and you always end up forgetting your gloves and putting your hands in your pockets instead. Music that slows down the world rather that livens it up becomes the music you play in the morning whilst picking out what hat to wear. It's that time of year again, the time you absolutely adore.

You gotta live.