Conflicting emotions.

At 20, and an educated girl in her prime; I'm in a pretty amazing place in my life. I wake in the morning, or at dawn and have these wonderful people around me. I can sit for hours with my friends and talk about absolutely anything and pour my heart out to them. I've no work commitments and aside from enjoyable classes and typical student work I've no worries. Every night of the week is an opportunity to do something and meet somebody and you meet people you would never have met if I hadn't moved to uni.

Even through the bad times, you may have fell but you've so many people around you picking you up and helping you laugh through your tears. The people who hurt you in the past stay at the bottom rather than the top of your heart and you learn to love yourself more.

I hate being so negative about life, when I am the happiest I have ever been. However, emotions always seem to work their way into my words and actions. I'm not flippant and I do care all of the time.

This sensitivity has it's pros and cons and all those who really know you end up understanding and loving you for it. They realise that you throw your heart into everything and make allowances and pull you through situations which you're over analysing.

Emotions are what's life's all about; happiness, love, worry, fright. Sometimes you know you should be having the time of your life - but you're not. The thing about emotions, you cannot train yourself to feel them. You have to accept them and attempt to channel them well.

Maybe we always have conflicting emotions, everything does not all coincide. Our love life can be great, but our friendships can become weak as a result. I guess all you can do is be true to yourself and face everyday with a positive attitude rather than feeling sorry for yourself or wasting your time with being negative and never doing anything.

- Life's too short.

Now for the heavy stuff.

I believe this quote, and it's took me a few years of trying to figure it out to come to that conclusion. I was thinking about how many I know have said they were in love with people that they are no longer with, and how they feel now about they in comparison with how they felt.

For me, I do believe that there are different kinds of love and that each takes you to a different place. With romantic love I think love is personal and adaptable to a relationship. People are so different, and each relationship is so different that we cannot say love is the same template set onto of every couple in love.

Love is something I hate writing about ins tone, because it's so changeable. It's different from year to year and love deepens and grows and long as we do. I find that people seem to think love is a stage of a relationship and after a certain milestone we are expected to be in love with this person. Of course time doesn't not equal love, because nothing we can do, or anything length of time can make us fall in love.

Love is about waking up and realising your feeling will never change no matter what happens. I don't believe in falling out of love, and I don't believe in loving more than one person. I believe in situations you can love more than one person, if you're forced to move on but you will still that person forever despite the reasons you can't be together.

Just the thing that gets my goat about people is the expectation of love, as if it's something so everyday. Love is unexpected and unfathomable. We cannot set a time limit, we cannot pick somebody to fall in love with. If we ever do fall in love the odds are we will not be loved back to the same extent and it's horrifying but it's a fact.

I believe some people are more susceptable to love than others, and that some aren't built to fall in love. I believe if you're taken away from somebody that you love you'll spend years trying to process it and move on.

As for those 'in love' one minute and next thing with somebody else 'in love'. Well, it'll never work if you fake it.

Love is lost and undefined.
And probably very little of us will ever find it.

Accepting (and not defending) yourself.

Everyday you find something that you don't like about yourself. Whether it's your haircut or your emotional instability. We can pick at ourselves until there's nothing much left to savour and you're really a pile of your own self-loathing; bitter and empty.

I was once told told if you didn't like something about yourself you should change it. And if you can't change it, you should accept it. You need to feel confident and happy in your own skin, because you'll never live in anybody elses'.

Accepting yourself 95% percent of the time isn't easy and part of you wants to be somebody else. But you're always going to be yourself whether you fight it or not, and making the best out of who you are and even being proud of who you are equals happier and healthier friendships/relationships.

As well as how we are genetically, or how we are as a result of social construction we must also accept what we've already done. The past is the past and after seeking forgiveness, we must accept what we've done and stop defending it - especially when we can't defend it, or justify our actions.

Whatever you do, you will displease somebody. You will always have people wondering why you're doing or have done certain things. You will be judged for what you do for the right or the wrong reason but that can't stop you doing them! We need to realise that the reason we do things are more powerful than those who judge us for doing them.

Accepting yourself is one of those life-long tasks which if accomplished could save you a whole lot of heartache. Others accepting you? Well if your friends/family are any sort of friends/family they will learn to accept you for what you've done and who you are.

Oh, and never resort to defending something you haven't even done wrong.

The Littlest Things.

1. Holding hands with your friend when you're upset.
2. Lip balm.
3. Songs that remind you of a very specific moment, or person in your life.
4. Photographs of a night out.
5. First kisses, or when it feels like a first kiss.
6. When people sit under trees reading books.
7. Getting woken up by sunlight and not an alarm.
8. The smell of somebody elses skin.
9. Freshly washed bedsheets.
10. Organising your whole room, including every drawer.
11. Wiping things with babywipes.
12. Watching boxsets in jammies at nighttime.
13. Waking up to text messages saying goodnight.
14. Standing under the shadows of trees.
15. Hearing the phrase 'I like you'
16. The Belfast accent after you haven't been home for a while.
17. Picture messages.
18. Constantly being insulted by your friends, and insulting them back.
19. Calling our big group up at uni my family and saying 'just like a family'

He is Risen!