The Past.

I'm the most emotional person I've ever met. I get upset, I dwell, I overreact, I have feelings about everything and I get offended over nothing. I get hurt at nothing, and the least little thing can absolutely make my day. It's a vulnerable position to put yourself in and not one you can simply walk out of.

Today after Church I went to tea with two of my friends and we talked for 2 hours over bagels, french toast and raspberry scones. I figured out how much I'd taken these people for granted. We spoke about so many different things. We were talking about struggle and success, missionary work, future plans, heartbreak, feeling like a failure, and everything in between. I suddenly realised how great these people were, and I was pretty mad at myself for not relishing in their good intentions and shining hearts.

I came home and got talking to my Mum about some of these things. I was talking about a particular struggle of mine that never fails to put me into tears. She was talking with comfort but it all just upset me more. She stopped, looked at me straight in the
eye and said

''You can't live in the past, you can't even think about the past. The past will eat you up, and if you let it, it will always bring you down.''

I knew she was right and I continued to cry automatically,m even thought I felt better, and I felt unbelievably lucky to have such great people in my life. People who can not judge on mistakes, failures or poor judgment. People who delight in you because of who you are rather than what you've done.

I think today was a breakthrough in many ways. I realised how much I missed a lot of people, and how much I can get out of life by trusting in the trustworthy.

If I'm honest, sometimes I think about a best friend too far away from me and that's enough to make me feel like they'll never be beside me again. I find solace in the face I can text them, or phone them and realise that they'll always be beside me. I believe some of them will, and especially one of them will always be calling me a moose and telling me to wind my neck in - even if I'm 45 and my daughter is bringing home her too old-for-her boyfriend.

Sometimes letting go is the easiest thing to say. The easiest way to do is to look at what you have, and what you will have. Concentrate on your goals in a way that pushes you forward for want of success instead of a mind full of regrets which pull you backwards.

I miss you all, but I'll be with you soon.
I miss you so much I can't even tell you.