I just feel if I could delete a moment, a movement, a feeling, a decision, an old friendship then I wouldn't have all the stigmas I have. I wouldn't be nervous about certain things and scared about others. I wouldn't swear to myself to not do things in case history repeats itself and I'd be happier and more carefree and daring.
But that's life, isn't it? Crap happens. Your life gets ruined and it gets messy. You lose your self confidence and you feel worthless. Learning to pick yourself up, forcing yourself to enjoy what you find difficult will make life better because you cannot delete what you wish didn't happen. You cannot make things better by pretending they didn't happen. You need to face your future with confidence it will hold happiness or else it won't. I think people can be so lazy with their lives, they dwell on what has happened and use it as an excuse not to take risks and not to ever risk anything in case they get hurt. It's pathetic and childish and we need to push past the part of ourselves which knows we can get hurt.
The last few days have been hell for me. Not enclosing why, but my close friends and my family obviously know. I wish I could delete what happened to me but I have to deal with it and get past it, or else it will only limit me for the rest of my life.
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