A box full suggestions for your possible heart.

Trying to figure out life is what is getting me these days.

We end up clasping what we love, and to be honest it's quite hard not to completely disregard the rest. When you're tired and you don't know how to make things better it's so damn difficult to do the things hate, and put up with those things that won't seem to stop grating on you.

I wish I could be a bit more hopeful, and I was I could be a bit more proactive than I have been. I used to always think that if you were unhappy in life - you should change it, and what you can't change you should learn to accept. A lovely clean mantra which sorts everybody's lives right out... right? But sometimes what you can change has criteria. Sometimes what you want to change won't change immediately and even though you can try you've no affirmation that it'll ever change - no affirmation that things will ever get better or that you'll ever live in that dream you had from the moment you first heard that song that made you feel like you could be free.

When you've a life full of stuff you'd like to change - you can get mopey. You can think I don't like my job, I don't like where I live, I don't like the economy and I don't like all the negative things I hear that go on. I don't like that people get so old they can't do up their coat or wash their own dishes and I don't like that I can't change any of it. I don't like that innocent people are the most vulnerable and that vulnerability is almost always taken advantage of.

And suddenly your own problems of not seeing your friends enough and not being able to go to Japan with your curly haired boyfriend don't seem so big and bold. Is the fact that other people have it worse than us meant to make us feel worse or better?

No matter how much we try to change something - we have to pick something to change. Take charities, to make a difference we have to pick ONE to support. If we supported all then we wouldn't have money to live, think of the million charities - all needing support. Despite how we want to help - we have limited means.

Being limited is what's getting to me. I wish I could change the world, and not being able to change everything on a worldwide scale - and if I build this idea into the microcosm of my own life, it manages to share it's similarities. I feel like I've a million things to do, and countless things to change but being swamped with all of these makes it hard for me to change even one.

The only option really is to crawl out of the comfort you've made in your sorrow (for yourself) and one by one, try and change things. Stupid things like promising yourself you'll bake your cake instead of sitting on facebook for 2 hours can make a different. Asking for stuff you can't afford (nicely) for your birthday to ease the financial pressure. And most of all - stop giving yourself a hard time because everyone around you seems to be doing much better than you (this is the worst, and the least true!). If you ease the pressure you can do things without feeling immense pressure therefore enjoying what I like to call 'sorting your life out' and feeling like you achieved though things for yourself and not because you HAD to, or it was YOUR DUTY.

So the lesson is to breathe, spend time with those you love, do the things you love, find new things to love - and face those things you don't love with a positive attitude until you can change them or mould them into something new. And even though this sounds horribly cliched - you gotta learn to love yourself and feel like you're good enough.

And "You think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin."

And that's it.

If I ain't got something I don't give a damn, 'cause I got it with you.

...where does the love go?

In life we meet people who will never touch our hearts, and we meet those who do and stay in our lives. But I've been wondering about the middle ground. About those who come in, enrich our lives and for one reason or another leave. It's as disappointing and heartbreaking as it is inevitable but in this day and age where we're told we'll fall in love at least three times, statisically go through more than 1 marriage and leave the majority of our friends behind us... where does all this love go? And at what point are you 'over it' and what does being over it really mean?

If I have a best friend, and that best friend leaves - do I feel incomplete until I find an appropiate replacement? And if this is true (which I suspect it isn't) do our whole lives ressemble a progressive dance - as the music changes our partners do? In the 1900's we were expected to have one partner our whole life and now is expected for us to have what - at least 3? And why do we need three in the first place, is our love we feel for each other that fickle?

I was sitting beside City Hall when I had a thought 'I am very happy with my relationships, but just as they have in the past - they will end just as harshly as they have before.' And it's thoughts like these that can grab you on afternoons being a recent unappreciate university graduate with little to bounce on top of. We are left with the reality that things will end, and those that won't will be so much effort to maintain, and we will begin to take these amazing, beautiful people around us for granted like we once and like we will do again.

I just find it hard to believethat once these people leave our lives - that we don't think about them. Or that once we get a new friend, or a new boyfriend that our past is completely obsolete. Whilst relationships in the past can be most valued because they're in the past I find it really heartbreaking that we have to be so bitter just because they're not currently.

I have to go BFF is on the phone.

Is that alright, yeah?

1. Having a 'Protestant' toothbrush at Brians.


2. The word 'delighted'


3. Buying officewear.


4. The Great British Bake Off, and it being our X factor.


5. Giving relationship gems of advice to the girls at work.


6. Club lemon.


7. Eating ice cold lemons sneakily in work with David.


8. My cat allergy resulting in me acting like a drunk.


9. Real honesty.


10. Experimenting.


11. Having a lie down.


12. Sending giant XO signals with my arms to Gary.


13. Dancing terribly to cheer up those around me.


14. Horrible pirate jokes.


15. Driving tours.


16. Dancing and clapping at the end of Joseph ironically, and it never ever ending.


17. Ending every text with 'Hate my life'


18. Telling my tips whilst baking.

Balancing history books up on my shelves.

Hey everyone. I am writing this from my very cutesy desk at the top of a small office in Belfast. It's absolutely freezing outside and I realized how little I update my blog when I'm happy or doing well in life (unless it comes in the form of bullet points - see post below). The first thing I'll say is I'm working - a lot. Working 7 days a week - 4 days in my beautiful minimum wage Costa job with some great people and the new 3 days a week 'job' which is not so much a job , but an internship.

The internship will operate the remaining 3 days a week, 10 - 4 and enables me to fit in at least an hours walking everyday. It also enables me to have fun dressing up in office wear and packing packed lunches with last nights enchiladas. Being an intern for a lifestyle, news and business website does give me some very valuable experience and acts as a great addition to my CV, which as a recent graduate - I desperately need.

Aside from working 7 days a week life has been hectic still. I'm going to a Frank Turner gig with my (think I'm saying this for the first time) boyfriend tomorrow night. Having a boyfriend takes up a lot of my time - in a good way. :P And having a boyfriend who works 6 days a week adds to the stress of trying to find time where we can spend time with each other and chill out from our lives. This has actually been pretty easy - apart from trying to wake him up at 8am to take me to work. There has been a very natural fall-into-place manner with us where it is never a mad rush, or a mad struggle to see each other. The side effect to this of course is that my room at home is an absolute state and my parents have forgotten my name, but never being home can be very refreshing!

Which brings me to living at home. When I do set my feet through the door I usually have 6 letters piled up, tomato soup encrusted mugs circling my TV and all my clothes sitting neatly on my floordrobe. I think when you're living at home - with your parents, it's hard to really take care of your space because it never really feels like yours and you just wanna get out. Having freedom is the most desirable thing to have when you're in your early twenties so it's not entirely a shock when you don't wanna be sitting in on a Saturday night with your parents watching X factor in your faded care bears nightie.

Seeing my friends has been difficult. All of us are anxiously waiting on a job which we want to do and are qualified to do, but in the meantime we need SOMETHING to do and some money to fund us. Seeing each other has been somewhat restricted by birthdays, events and not by just 'needing to see each other'. Despite this me and the BFF have since each other about once a week and have managed somehow to keep laughing through the 'Hate my life' daily texts.

And with that there's been everyday life of picking up parents, reading comics, and finally having enough fingernails to paint bright colours. Life is busy, and it's not everything I ever dreamed of - but I'm hoping that the fact I'm happy will breed more happiness. And I might make this 'blogging on my lunchbreak' thing a daily thing.

I miss dailyboothing.
And I love that Brian watched SATC with me last night. (Even though he hates it.)

Bananas.

1. Happy feet with the girls.


2. Stopping for a few seconds 'just to look at' the other person.


3. When somebody takes a beamer.


4. Eating birthday cake the next morning after somebody's birthday.


5. When me and Gerald were late for Contemporary European Culture every week.


6. Baking heart-shaped shortbread with Gerald.


7. "Baby, it's cold outside."


8. Purposely embarrasing somebody so they'll go red, then poking their cheeks.


9. BBQs in summertime.


10. St Patricks Day!


11. Doing the head dance at the start of Will and Grace during the theme tune.


12. PREVIOUSLY ON LOST.


13. "She must have been REALLY ugly."


14. "Do you take the Euro?'


15. Baking a cake with Brian and him refusing to decorate it.


16. Impulse yoga in a strange kitchen, in a dress.


17. It being a mile to walk up to Stormont from the gates.


18. Getting separate boxes of ice lollies each, and when I return all of mine being eaten.


19. Flower plasters VS bug plasters.


20. Scrabo.
    

They shoot single people, don't they?

Hello loyal readers, loyal friends and those reading after stumbling across this somewhat randomly. How is life with you? My life is changed and continues to change but I still feel like I'm the same. Do you ever get the moments that you think once you do something, or once you accomplish something you'll feel better, you'll feel different or you'll feel more grown up? Then the moment comes and you think why on earth did I ever think this would change who I was in a major way.

I was talking to a co-worker in my part-time job which kinda strips away my soul these days. I was expressing my frustration about areas of my life which are giving me grief - things I gotta change. Her infuriating response was - "Well, at least you have a boyfriend and aren't single like me." This response got me to thinking of how people reacted to me when I was single. After being in a fairly long-term relationship and entering the world again as a single person I think I learnt a whole lot.

The first thing I learnt was the most important - that life goes on. It does not wipe your tears and it does not wait for you to be okay. This is true of anything, and it's very easy to overlook. We can wait until we feel better about our lives and the circumstances of our lives but they will continue regardless. And waiting for months to feel better wastes those months.

The second was that people doesn't always accept the fact you can be happy or happier as a single person. Lots of people I knew were suddenly looking to 'set me up' with their friends, because 'he's single too!' which really is not the point of setting people up - or is it? The assumption that as soon as you're single you need another relationship is absolutely crazy and don't get me started on the notion of a 'rebound'.

But this conversation with this newly single girl who has spent 10 years of her short life in relationships made me feel very much like an angry feminist shouting - 'YOU DON'T NEED A MAN.' You need to have the confidence in yourself, and not confidence in the fact that if you had a relationship you'd be the greatest and the happiest person in the world.

When I was single - (properly single not i-have-been-single-for-3weeks) I sometimes got made to feel left out, disrespected and worthless by others who were in relationships. I cannot express how absolutely ridiculous this is. TV and movies can be directed to tell us that being with somebody else is the most important thing - and maybe it's one of them. But people break-up, and relationships 'cause stress and hurt. Neither being single or being in a relationship is guaranteed to make you happy, or in the same way is guaranteed to make you sad. However, they are guaranteed to challenge you and allow you to learn if you let them.

Despite how anti-men I sound here, I promise I'm not.
I am pro-women though. :)

Life, continued.

Sometimes life can pile on top of you. You can get scared by words like; career, marriage, failure. For me it's this expectation for anythign that gets me down, especially the terms 'in your prime', 'these are our glory days' and all those in a similar vein. But it's short-term goals, and the little spurts of happiness which seem to make life worth it - and allow you to be less harsh on yourself for not being the most universally successful person on the planet. The little or big that make you feel better, or like you belong seem to be the meaning of life these days for me.

Here's some of my favourites;

1. Boiling a mug of water and eating a bar of dairy milk after dipping it in.


2. Going on drives to seemingly far away places to watch over the city and just watch it for a while - waiting for the darkness to come and for the streetlights to come on.


3. Eating zappers with your BFF even though your tongue is bleeding.


4. Going to B&M, getting a McFlurry.


5. Lying down for 1 minute. (It never being one minute)


6. Clearing out, cleaning my room.


7. Nose pore strips.


8. Spooning.


9. Wearing boys underwear.


10. Listening to Taylor Swift/Kelly Clarkson/Alanis Morisette/Frightened Rabbit.


11. Making cakes, and decorating them like a girl.


12. Meeting him from work when he's wearing his suit.

7 months later.

I've been most unwilling to see this turmoil of mine.

If you want to, I am game.

It's so warm. I'm wearing my new dress. My room is a mess, I've finally had a wash and my clothes are lying all around my house. But Saturday night and Sunday morning were pretty much the best times I've had and I'm not really willing to come down from them.

Soft.

'Cause I'm growing up so fast.

Growing up is often seen as a nostalgia which people dread. The encroaching future causes it to shy away and we're left with responsibilities - jobs, relationships and real life. And I guess it is scary. Whatever we do in life we have our comforts which keep us warm until we're ready to move on, or we keep elements of our past so the future doesn't seem so far away from the past that we know.

Now that university is over I've been thinking about my comforts. The things I hold on to, and things I like to feel secure about. And I think these things are pretty universal;

1. Your home. Although I rant and give off about still living in my family home since I've returned from uni, it's not until I'm having a bad day that I learn to appreciate it. The security of your old room, all your photos, your old bed and all your favourite books and movies stacked up on a shelf that gives your own sense of identity a place to rest. But sooner or later, as young adults - we'll leave. We'll move out for a little while or forever with our friends and eventually our husbands and wives (if you choose you live your life that way)


2. Your friends. Although they do flit in and out of your life. When things get melty, or boring we like to have the security of being able to lean on the people closest to us to feel less alone. My friends mostly hear me ranting about life, and I think without the ability for me to do that I'd completely lose it in other areas of my life.


3. Your family. Even if you shout at them more than anybody else.


4. A relationship. Something secure, something that's not going to let you down.

I've been thinking about the securities that I have, and the securities I want. None of your securities are flawless and at times they may be close to gone, but sometimes all you just need is one of them to pull through. Just one of them to give you the motivation to remind yourself how great you have it.

...And it's nice not to be so alone.

To thine own self be true.

But you gotta believe in yourself,

when everybody else are very busy looking after themselves.

I just wanna be happy.

The above is a picture of me. I have turned into a fifty-year old woman, knitting scarfs, driving to buy wool, stitching cushion covers and having conversations with people at least twice my age. If I'm not doing any of these things I'm playing pokemon white on the DS, watching LOST or using social networking sites.

Things I am not doing;

1. Getting employed.


2. Hanging out with my best friends.


3. Going outside.


4. Getting married.

Through writing this blog entry he text me saying 'I can't wait until we're married and have a Mario wedding cake (It will have 4 tiers going from underground, water, normal then sky with us on the top.)' But I can't help thinking how very nice it would be to have a friend - I would like that even more than a date.

Love,

Janine. (Or Sadie)

But it's never going to be me, is it?

Argh, having one of those contemplative - mind into overdrive, I can't stop thinking about the little things people have said. Cyptic messages, looking at was hasn't been said, what hasn't been done. It's driving me absolsutely insane.

Work is winding me up. My friends are a million miles away. Job applications are slowing. And I think today I kinda just hit the 'I'm running out of steam' stage. With all your good days and moments you feel so inspired comes the days you feel like you'll never really accomplish anything. You feel like everything you done and worked for has largely been for nothing and nobody really appreciates it.

But I'll take his advice and push on;

"Chin up, nose up, bum dry."

Unsent.

1. If the circumstances were different, we could have been different. But you just could never help yourself from picking me apart. I would have never gave up on you, but that would mean that I would have to give up on myself - I had to pick myself. I hope one day you'll understand.
2. One minute I wanna spill my heart out for you, other days I want to to chase me for what's inside.
3. Wish I could tell you everything, but every time I try to - you're not interested. Which is fair, but makes me doubt you bigtime.
4. It's strange how we pop into each others lives for a mere few days and then disappear when we realise how ridiculous the idea of us being friends is.
5. I don't like you in that way, and honestly - I'm not sure I even like you as a person. I mean, you're fine but you kinda bring me down.
6. You're really great.
7. You were an infatuation, you weren't love. :)
8. If anyone asks, I'll tell them we both grew apart.

But being away from you is hard.

Goodbyes breed hellos.

Today I spent the day with my favourite boy; We watched Jeremy Kyle, and talked about life and love. And it got me thinking that 3 years ago I didn't have this boy in my life, in any way whatsoever. I didn't miss him because I hadn't met him but I was aching for a friendship like this. At this point in my life I was a little lost and although I was comfortable I really wasn't happy. I hopped up to university and not to be too 'Avenue Q' about it (seen it last night - awesome!) but I really felt like this change was one of those things that really was for the best. Even though it was SO hard at the start.

And it got me to thinking about all the great experiences and friendships I've had which started off really terribly. Don't worry I'm not about to spout the 'life is hard' speech but I really believe that what brings us happiness is usually disguised and not immediately obvious. I've never wanted something rational and although my life is not guarantying me anything - I believe that in order to get what I want I'm going to have to wade myself through long work hours and I'm going to encounter some truly horrible people. This really scares me, and I'm not sure where it'll take me in the long run. But being on the brink of something new, be it work or life in general excites me. The entire world being your oyster is powerful. You're in your prime, you're young and ambitious - you gotta live.

Inevitably with all this moving on and new plans you gotta let go of the stuff with is getting you down. Anything that makes you feel worthless, is not worth keeping. But it can be hard - because it can be comfort too ironically. There's a line in a Pink song called 'Mean' which says 'we've got so used to this abuse, it's kinda feels like home'. Sometimes you gotta leave home, and go and stay in your friends bed even though it's awkward and hard - but it pushes you forward and it pushes you away from what you know you shouldn't do.

So life is different, and life is good. And as of yet I don't have anything set in stone, and I'm still serving my coffees and reading my books. But I'll tell you one thing - I'm determined to stay this happy, and life is not going to bring me down as long as I have that boy listening to my secrets and drinking milkshakes with me beside fountains.

Really hope you're all happy.

Roadtrip.

So free.

<3
So much in love with my life.

Kinda really love this.

(But the movie is TERRIBLE)

I wanna wake up where you are.

1. Hearing you picking up my phrases.


2. Meeting for an hour, just for a chat after work.


3. Every single one of the faces you do, and especially when you do 'the face'


4. Learning to knit with my mother, and the goals I set out for myself.


5. The fact you care, even when I'm being ridiculous.


6. When you get really embarrassed.


7. Listening to Bright Eyes, and getting happier.


8. Feeling appreciated - for everything.


9. Making lists of what we'll watch, where we'll go, what we'll make.

Life, continued.

Hey blogspot! So I'm home and life has changed, I have a degree and my friends do not constantly surround me. To be honest when I first landed home I ran away from the reality of life but it came upon me and lay like a ton of bricks amongst my heart. And it was hard - no doubt it was hard, to be mostly alone and instead of facing it head-on I decided to mope about and feel sorry for myself that life had changed and I was back where I started.

The next week I changed my attitude. Life changes with a change of attitude. I actively sought out my friends, and stopped being so selfish and started helping out others - this really brought me happiness. I got into contact with some friends I hadn't seen in a while and started what I like to call 'operation life sort'. I applied to a few jobs and ended up landing one which will be good until I get some volunteering and experience under my belt.

Kinda just wanna run away and join the circus though...

Maybe I should be smarter.

I was talking to my friend about my blog, and when and why I write. Usually I write as a response to extreme emotions, and to be honest it's mostly when I'm upset or frustrated. Which I realise paints a certain tumultuous image of myself to those who know me primarily from what they read about me on the Internet, but what are blogs for? :P

I'm feeling a bit frustrated at the minute, and a wee bit sad amongst that some of the time. I feel like I'm going down a road which promises more uncertainty than certainty, and I'm not sure I really know how to deal with that. The thing is though, a good percentage of the time I'm actually so happy, and the reasoning's are valid, and I'm not chained and I am free but choice can complicate matters. It's a lot easier to be told what you have to do, and being given the choice and freedom to weigh up the pros and cons and really see if this going to make you more happy or more upset... and can you really be bothered with all the drama?

Amidst all of this I guess you gotta be aware of your own sense of self and evaluate if it's being compromised in any way. I'll bring this back to my motto in life; 'Above all else, to thine own self be true'. I don't think I am compromising and I say that if an additional opportunity presented itself that could offer me more I'd kinda feel obliged to take it even though I have obvious strong connections with the life I'm living now. However I've too much going on to worry, but I'll update in 1 months time and see where I'm standing on all of this because I expect things will have changed greatly.

In the mean time I'm listening to Alanis Morissette and Gregory and the Hawk and stressing out about being in the last month of education in my life.

Without all the excuses.

I seen him today. And there was no butterflies, no sinking, lifting, or racing of my heart. And I start to wonder if I've just been using it as an excuse for five years of my life.

But man, I felt on top of the world.

Stuff that makes me grumpy.

1. The term babes.


2. When somebody hears a really typical song like 'Everything I do I do it for you', or 'I don't wanna miss a thing' and claim it to be their wedding song.


3. When there's no raspberryade left.


4. The bus service to and from uni, and the roundabout way they take.


5. The sound of a mousetrap going off.


6. Going shopping and not buying anything at all.


7. Drying the left side of my hair.


8. Sending incorrect grammar through text.


9. Sid.


10. Missing a bus and knowing if you ran you could've made it.


11. Finding one of an item of clothing you love that isn't your size and it being the last one left.


12. When people put saucepans in the dishwasher.


13. Being a million miles away.


14. Getting so tired you don't know if you'll make it home without falling asleep.

Day Two; Your least favourite song; White Lies - Mr Hudson.

I HATE this song.

Day One; Your favourite song.

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Hello 8am.

So I thought it was time for a little bit of a life update. It's 8am and I'm one of now five people up in the LRC, the fog was so thick me and Conor couldn't see past our culdasack and couldn't see the tower building pulling up to uni; it was a strange morning.

Yesterday was a pretty long day even though we spent most of it laughing. After working for hours in the study area and carting about his stuff we finally got home to make a big dinner and sit about with all the housemates and have heart to hearts about what was getting us all down in varying degrees; family troubles, work stresses, boyfriends jealousy issues. After most of the words had been said we decided to have a few friendly drinks were we ended up really saying how we felt about even more of our lives and making silly jokes which didn't cease.

When everybody had headed to bed, for sleep and to do more work I ended up, after spooning with one best friend and phoning another I ended having a 3 hour phonecall which really changed how I felt and viewed things. I realised how much we assume things, assume how people feel, or how they have felt and how that changes the way we act towards them... but if what we assumed was inaccurate then that changes the nature of how we feel about them.

Sometimes it's not until the dead of night when you've sobered up from the start of the phonecall that you truely become so overwhelmed with thanks at the level of honesty achieved, and you feel that your sunk a little lower in how you're starting to feel.

And somehow you're up at 7:30, and pull on your aviator jacket and you're in uni for 8 thinking about how Auden demonstrates truth-telling over 'the romantic lie' in his poetry before 1940.

1. 'Oh we might as well not watch it now'
2. The stabby bottle top.
3. The adjective 'handsy'
4. Waking up in the morning after a long sleep in newly washed bedsheets.
5. Innocent smoothies.
6. 'Tell me your stories'
7. And I am telling you, I'm NOT going.
8. 'Don't wanna be up myself but...(something really up myself)'
9. Sharing Sangria.
10. Meeting old ladies/couples on the train and talking to them for an hour and a half about life.
11. Sharing the nicest cupcake in the world.
12. Guys who smile lots.
13. Being appreciated for all the little quirks.
14. 'I wouldn't care... okay it'd REALLY freak me out.'
15. Falling asleep in somebody elses' bed.
16. 'You're full... of crap.'
17. Coyote ugly and cringing at it.
18. The birds playing over Central Station.

El oh el.

Contrast, and compare.

In life sometimes it's hard to keep balance and hard to keep your confidence up. Recently I've met a lot of wonderful, smart, happy people and to be honest it's hard not to measure yourself alongside them and decide whose 'better'. And when you're aware of your own flaws and not so aware of others flaws it's easy to put yourself down, and be harder on yourself than you would anybody else.

The sad thing about this is that there's ALWAYS going to be somebody better, somebody more adventurous, prettier, smarter, funnier and if that's they way THEY are then how could you really compete? And if we're changing and developing by the second then does whose better change from time to time, and does the majority vote win, or is it individual specific?

I believe in double standards, and how it's fine for me to do certain things but when I see others doing the same examining who I am, I absolutely can't stand it. That's when you see your flaws; jealousy, hypocrisy. It's not pretty or funny or admirable, it is downright ugly and shameful. We're afraid to expose ourselves but in order to live a life outside our cosy bedrooms we have to bare all and just be ourselves in a world who'll never readily accept that as anything more than a first draft. But that's life, isn't it? If we don't realise our own flaws then we can never have honest relationships.

What I've learnt tonight, is to...

1. Love yourself.
2. Appreciate who you are, and why you are.
3. Better yourself by your own standards.
4. Don't change in accordance to what others what you to be.

Remember there's a whole hoarde of people who love you, for exactly who you are.
You're not better than anybody else, but you are different. Comparing yourself to other will not leave you feeling satisfied but will make you question yourself.

At least that's how it left me feeling, and pretty damn creepy too.

And when I'm done, I feel like talking.

1. Tool Academy, and identifying ourselves with a tool.
2. Playing heavy Rain with Gerger, and him holding down the buttons for me.
3. 'That is aburd, I have NEVER used the F word.'
4. Having '5 minute' phonecalls which last well into the night, in the wee hours of the morning.
5. 28 Millstone Park, the constant bant, and our open door policy.
6. Making Lasagne and it sufficing for 4 meals.
7. Really lovely customers who come back and personally thank you for the coffee you made them.
8. The 'tunnel of love' we had on Valentines' Saturday.
9. Giving customers extra when you like them.
10. Greensleeves.
11. Conor being 'Soup Boy'
12. 'Need You Now' song and laughing at all it's awards, singing it dramically.
13. Chin bite. <3
14. Being described as the sun.
15. Michael; 'Could really go for an O'Brians'
16. Mini chocolate brownies for ASDA, and needing two boxes.
17. Lisa calling me Veda.
    

But now I'm thinking.. what the hell. :)

Live a little, live a lot.

A few coherent sentences.

Hiya Internet, things have been crazy... just for a change, eh? I've been busy, really busy. Final year, final semester and I've a lot to be working on never mind all that I should be reading. Despite this I don't feel snowed under or stressed (as of yet), and I feel just really genuinely happy. This I guess explains why instead of writing in coherent sentences I just put up list upon list on things that really make me happy because well, that's what life's all about isn't it?

I feel really content because how I felt and what was kinda grogging on me changed and turned into exactly what I wanted it to turn into and I'm really grateful and thankful for that. Worth the wait, and I'm definitely trying my best to be smart and not ruin it for myself. I love that feeling when you want something, you think about you write about it and then it sorts itself out so it fits into your life and you can have it in exactly the way you wanted it. Perfect.

Hope you're all well, and you aren't bored of my lists.
I love lists. <3

I can't believe it, it's so amazing.

1. Everybody in the group holding hands and swaying when a slow song comes on.


2. Trips to the Spar wearing fluffy slippers.


3. 'If you ever loved somebody put your hands up' and throwing your hand up dramatically.


4. Brian's Mommy speech therapy.


5. Embarrasing bodies.


6. Snes games, and being the most skill and letting him get all the toad houses.


7. Dancing manically for hours in the kitchen with Lisa, Gerald and Marty.


8. Driving up and down weekly with Michael.


9. Gerald 'Janine, before we leave lets try and eat as much food as we can' before elaving the superbowl party.


10. Dark red lipstick.


11. Nini.


12. Flower clips on the side of your hair.


13. Homemade cafe in Coleraine.


14. Thick freshly made soup.


15. Adding different sauces to a micro noodle.


16. Brian's obsession with Mario merchandise.


17. Using the term 'babes' ironically for others.

You're my picture on the wall.

1. Butterflies the whole night through.
2. Bullet Bill as a phone charm.
3. Saying 'Dry yer bum mate' when somebody on TV is upset, and saying it to each other basically all the time.
4. Garnier exfoliating face brush.
5. Cleanse, tone, moisturise.
6. R Kelly's song, and laughing hysterically at it.
7. 'Bagsy not' over doing EVERYTHING.
8. The phrase 'Story of my life'
9. The craic in work, and being fake over-patronising to co-workers who can do things perfectly.
10. Walking about 'clearing the floor' in work and catching a workmates eye and both of you dancing.
11. Alternate lyrics to Bruno Mars - Grenade.
12. 'Um, I don't think these shoes are gonna fit... your feet are kinda baig.'
13. All four of us waving excitedly at lorries driving past and trying to get them to hoot their horn.
14. Bringing up big tins of biscuits/sweets and them being eaten immediately.
15. Dancing waiting for a 16inch pizza for 2 people in 4 Star Pizza.
16. Belle and Sebastian - 'Funny Little Frog'
17. Flat White training, and getting a teeshirt.
18. Getting teased about the manager of Happy Feet having a crush on me, and our conversations every Saturday morning.
19. Teasing Mark about Monday night @ Flux.
20. Going to the pub quiz and ending up dancing upstairs.

Happiness.

1. Speaking like Yoda.
2. Greeting everybody with 'Hey Girl'
3. Saying 'you guys' with a wide smile when you're in a happy group situation.
4. Our house keg, and making large amounts of cocktail in it.
5. Having sharing 4 rounds of toast in the morningtimes with Conor, playing Final Fantasy.
6. Every single person in the room playing games, on 4 different concoles.
7. Pokemon battles.
8. Raspberryade, and when you find a full bottle of it in the fridge.
9. Getting a free vodka slush in Havana with Rowan.
10. Playing Bordorlands with Conor.
11. Adding 'ya dick' to the end of questions or statements.
12. Long drives to nowhere just to talk for hours.
13. 'Let You Go' by Chase and Status, and how we shout overexaggerated lyrics.
14. The expression 'Our eyes were bigger than our bellies'
15. Techno kitty.
16. Having heart to hearts which last for hours well into the night.
17. Relating every situation in life to a Taylor Swift lyric.
18. Dancing around your room when the night ends, with big headphones on.
19. Having a double bed to sprawl out on reading.
20. Mark saying 'It's so amathzing'
21. Playing four player little big planet and arguing over who's leader.

Hey girl!

Hiya internet. I feel so happy I could burst, and I really mean it. I had such a great week just talking for hours on end with the best people alive. I love when you feel really content with life, and people can notice it, people can notice you're hurting less about the past or what you couldn't overcome. Completely in love with my life.

No point in beating yourself up about what you don't have.

Because these things will change.

<3